Fun with Homonyms: Vow and Vowel

Back by popular demand!

These aren’t even homonyms, but lately I’ve seen a string of newly engaged ladies misusing them, so apparently some clarification is needed…

When you say, “I can’t wait to say my wedding vowels…”

All I think is, “Yeah, because a wedding without vowels is just a wddng.”

Come on, ladies, we can do better than this.


Jenn and Bec: A Conversation About Writing and Grammar

Since it’s been awhile, and I’m up to my ears in writing assignments other than blogging (clearly, judging by my absence here lately), I thought I’d put this out there to keep you sated for a bit…

My dear friend, Becca, is a writer like yours truly.  She’s also a fellow sports lover and collector of shoes.  She and I get together at various Razorback sporting events and chat about important things.  The following is an excerpt from our conversation at Sunday’s basketball game between Arkansas and Texas A&M…

Bec: You know, I labor over selecting the perfect words to convey my thoughts in my columns.  And then… I drive past the mall and BOTH sides of the sign say “Marry Christmas.”  What’s the point?

Me: Marry Christmas?!?  I’m sorry, but I think marrying holidays isn’t protected under the Sanctity of Marriage Act.  Can you imagine?  If we start letting people marry holidays, next thing you know it’ll be chaos.  People will start marrying dogs and toasters and…

Bec: I want a bumper sticker that says “Marry toasters.”

Our children pretty much ignored us from this point on.

So, welcome to 2013 and happy honeymoon to all of you who were able to marry Christmas.  (Fortunately, it’s still not legal in Arkansas, despite what the NWA Mall would have you believe.)



Fun with Homonyms: President/Precedent

“I would make myself the PRESIDENT of Grammar Lovers Anonymous, but I don’t want to set a PRECEDENT for staging coups d’état of random organizations.”
While we’re at it, it’s pronounced “koo-day-tah”, person-who-keeps-saying-“coop duh tat”.  We’re not talking about chickens with tattoos here.

A Very Special Fun-with-Homonyms Christmas!

When speaking of the paper commonly used to decorate gifts, it is generally referred to as WRAPPING paper.  It is in extremely poor taste to refer to it as RAPING paper, or to use that as a verb (eg. “Can’t talk, I’m RAPING some presents right now”).

If you do proceed with this misuse, understand that people will probably start avoiding making eye contact with you, and you may even see a drastic decrease in the number of holiday party invites you receive.  Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Merry Christmas, loyal readers!

PS. “Wrap” and “Rape” = not homonyms of one another, so this should be a non-issue.  Alas, here we are…

Some others to watch out for:

“Marry Christmas!” -I don’t think holidays are included in the Sanctity of Marriage Act.

“Peas on Earth” – Yeah, I like peas too, but lets not get carried away, okay?

“Feed the Hungary this year” – I don’t know if I can feed a whole country.

“I’d like some new colon this year” – Not even going there.

“I can’t wait for Christmas mourning!” – Whoa, who are you planning to knock off?

Fun with homonyms: But/Butt

This one can be especially problematic when used incorrectly.  For instance:

“I wanna kick her but” *

To which I answer, “But what?  You want to kick her, but something is holding you back?  Feel free to talk about it, girlfriend.  Get it off your chest.”

I shouldn’t have to explain this, BUT there’s apparently a gal out there making a BUTT of herself using improper grammar.

* People who misuse this one don’t believe in punctuation either.

An emergency Fun with Homonyms(?) – Are/Our/Or/Hour

I had another post all lined up for today, but the following picture came to my attention yesterday and I felt I must take responsibility as a proud American and do something.

So I came here to make fun of a protest sign.  Because it’s my civic duty, you know.

The misuse, the random hyphen, the lone lowercase "i". The Tea-party protest sign trifecta.

Dear Tea-party member,  “Our” and “are” aren’t even pronounced the same, they don’t have meanings that are in the same ballpark as one another, they only have one letter in common.  How does this happen?

“OUR language is English.  If you ARE going to make a sign OR statement online, please take an HOUR or two to study up on some basic grammar.”

I now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.

PS. I threw “or” and “hour” in there, because quite frankly, if they’re screwing up “our” and “are”… well, it won’t be long until those get thrown in the mix.