We’re Roleplaying Today.

To mix things up and keep myself from getting in a rut, these are the things I do to keep myself… well, weird.

Today is “Act Like I’m Samuel L. Jackson if He Were Born a White Woman” Day. Feel free to play along.

During my mid-morning chores: “I’m sick of these motherf***ing dishes in this motherf***ing sink!”

While Joe and I discuss college plans for The Peeshwank, “You’re referring to the prophecy of the one who will bring balance to the Force.  You believe it’s this boy?”

While going over The Peeshwank’s homework: “Look at the big brains on Peeshwank.”

When The Peeshwank bombards me with his daily requests for a pet anteater/snake/bird: “That’d have to be one charming motherf***ing anteater/snake/bird.” Followed by “Yes, they deserve to die and I hope they burn in hell” when I remind The Peeshwank how evil birds and snakes are.

When Joe and I are discussing dinner plans and The Peeshwank interrupts with his constant pleading for pizza or hamburgers, “You are on this council, but we do not grant you the rank of Master.”

When I’m trying to get The Peeshwank to come to dinner but he won’t stop playing Minecraft, so I have to turn his monitor off: “Oh, I’m sorry, did I break your concentration.”

And finally, when it comes time to tuck my sweet boy into bed for the night, “The cats nestle close to their kittens, the lambs have laid down with the sheep.  You’re cozy and warm in your bed, my dear.  Now, go the f*** to sleep.”

I’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts

Being the ever-cool mom I am, I always try to introduce my kid to all the wonderful things to be found in pop culture – The Ramones, Firefly, Doctor Who, etc.  He spent the entirety of his fourth year on Earth in a Darth Vader costume.  When someone plays some top 40 garbage for him, he’ll crank up Jane’s Addiction in response.  He’s a fairly cool kid.

Even if I do say so myself.

So, imagine my delight when at 11 years of age he has decided to replace walking with trotting like he’s on a horse while making clopping noises ala Monty Python and The Holy Grail.

Yesterday when I was making out the grocery list he told me,

“Put coconuts on there.  I need them for my horse noises.”

And he clop-clopped off into the other room.

Major parental pride ensued.

A Conversation: Jenn and Steph discuss politics and fashion.

I decided to start documenting some of the exchanges I have with my amazing friend, Stephanie, because we engage in some of the most thought-provoking, intellectual, philosophical masterpieces and it seems a crime to keep these things to ourselves.  Or because I couldn’t think of anything else to write this morning.  Same thing.

I LOVE THIS…My birthday is coming up people…and I would totally rock this everywhere!!!!!!

Awesome, this is.

    • I think we both need them for our birthdays!
    • LOL We could rock this in the club, starbucks, hell even walmart and still be hot!!! OMG I GOTTA HAVE ONE!
    • I’d wear it to the Oscars when I go to pick up my “Best Original Screenplay” award. Dress by Armani Prive, shoes by Manolo Blahnik, bag from the George Lucas Dagobah Couture Collection.
    • ROFLMAO…OMG I haven’t laughed that hard in a while! Wine should of been involved!…That is funny.
    • And I’d totally have my hair in the requisite Leia buns. I’ve been growing it out distinctly for that purpose.
    • But don’t tell anyone. I’ve been telling everyone I’m growing it out for locks of love
    • It makes me sound nicer.
    • And like less of a geek.
    • LMAO. Thats funny! I am going to dress Deuce up as Yoda and I will have Jackson as Jabba The Hutt, Pook will be JarJar Binks, PC will be Chewbacca, and of course I will be Leia…but the slightly chunky one
    • GIRL!! I can hook u up with all the weave you want before I leave here…They are like churches and liquor stores here…I got you, You want YAKKI or HUMAN hair???
    • WTF is Yakki? I’m apparently not hip to the weave culture yet.
    • Not quite sure what Yakki is…but it can be sewn into your hair for 50$
    • I wonder if Preston still has his Vader costume. (He wore it every day when he was 4.) He could dress up and come oppress you all.
    • LMAO!!! I can totally see Preston straight regulatin’ us!
    • When he was 4, I took him to opening night of Episode 3. He wore the costume. There were stormtroopers standing in line. They straightened up and stood at attention when he passed them. He was like, “Yep. They work for me.”
    • LMAO I can see him doin that. That is funny!
    • Yakki = yak hair. I’m guessing.
    • I just pissed on myself. Thanks
    • (Yaki) is a hair texture that is designed to look and feel like African American Hair (Black Peoples) that has been through a processing to make their own
    • Then yes. I need Yakki hair. Because I’m obviously not white. At all.
    • ROFLMAO…You can use any weave…believe me…I see it all out here
    • When you guys move back, we need to have like a weekly coffee meeting, so I can document our conversations and use them on my website. New feature “Jenn and Stephanie’s weekly deep and philosophical conversation.”
    • OMG THAT WOULD BE AWESOME. We need to chat anyways..I have a business venture I wanna get your opinion on
    • Well, since I’m obviously the business expert, then I could totally see why you would come to me! I will pencil you in. Have your people call my people.
    • ‎*waiting to answer the phone and hear Deuce babbling*
    • Deuce is busy right now…eating lotion, but he will get with you later today
    • Hitting the bottle early I see. Good boy!
    • And since I have no damn job I am free…all of the time! LOL
    • Join the club… oh… I just remembered, I’m like 3 months behind getting this novel finished. Where does my time go? Oh wait…
    • LOL I start them early! Wait, maybe that is what’s wrong with Pookie!
    • Nevermind the fact that you’re going to dress her up as Jar Jar. You’re lucky I don’t call DHS on you!
    • I wouldn’t mind help with 1 or more of these kids!
    • Well Deuce is cute, but he’s about to be in that drunk midget phase where he’s into everything. Pook would be fun to keep, but having a boy and a girl the same age in the same house may prove daunting. Jackson stands to make a lot of money in the NFL, but I can’t imagine the grocery bill to keep him fed! I think I’ll have to stick with my mini-boy for now.
    • Funny story. I was telling a friend of mine how cute/smart Preston was and I jokingly said to Pook…Thats the type of man you need to marry..Jackson chimed in…YA, Cuz that boy is gonna be president or something and make lotsa money like Bill Gates and I need a brother in law like that just in case my NFL career doesn’t pan out
    • Oh my god, that’s awesome.
    • Hey…it could work. Jackson could do security for the next president..LOL
    • Preston would show up for his inauguration in his Vader costume.

      I honestly don’t know where he gets it from. That whole make-a-joke-out-of-everything thing.
    • I would vote for Preston
    • Then there would be all kinds of documentaries about him: “When Preston met Pookie”, “Darth Preston: The Princeton Years”, “Why our First Family Refers to the Country as The Empire”…
    • OOH, we could wear our Yoda backpacks to the Inaugural Balls!

As you can plainly see, this is important stuff, y’all.  We’re raising the future first family!