To mix things up and keep myself from getting in a rut, these are the things I do to keep myself… well, weird.
Today is “Act Like I’m Samuel L. Jackson if He Were Born a White Woman” Day. Feel free to play along.
During my mid-morning chores: “I’m sick of these motherf***ing dishes in this motherf***ing sink!”
While Joe and I discuss college plans for The Peeshwank, “You’re referring to the prophecy of the one who will bring balance to the Force. You believe it’s this boy?”
While going over The Peeshwank’s homework: “Look at the big brains on Peeshwank.”
When The Peeshwank bombards me with his daily requests for a pet anteater/snake/bird: “That’d have to be one charming motherf***ing anteater/snake/bird.” Followed by “Yes, they deserve to die and I hope they burn in hell” when I remind The Peeshwank how evil birds and snakes are.
When Joe and I are discussing dinner plans and The Peeshwank interrupts with his constant pleading for pizza or hamburgers, “You are on this council, but we do not grant you the rank of Master.”
When I’m trying to get The Peeshwank to come to dinner but he won’t stop playing Minecraft, so I have to turn his monitor off: “Oh, I’m sorry, did I break your concentration.”
And finally, when it comes time to tuck my sweet boy into bed for the night, “The cats nestle close to their kittens, the lambs have laid down with the sheep. You’re cozy and warm in your bed, my dear. Now, go the f*** to sleep.”