Back by popular demand!
These aren’t even homonyms, but lately I’ve seen a string of newly engaged ladies misusing them, so apparently some clarification is needed…
When you say, “I can’t wait to say my wedding vowels…”
All I think is, “Yeah, because a wedding without vowels is just a wddng.”
Come on, ladies, we can do better than this.
“I would make myself the PRESIDENT of Grammar Lovers Anonymous, but I don’t want to set a PRECEDENT for staging coups d’état of random organizations.”
AND…
While we’re at it, it’s pronounced “koo-day-tah”, person-who-keeps-saying-”coop duh tat”. We’re not talking about chickens with tattoos here.
When speaking of the paper commonly used to decorate gifts, it is generally referred to as WRAPPING paper. It is in extremely poor taste to refer to it as RAPING paper, or to use that as a verb (eg. “Can’t talk, I’m RAPING some presents right now”).
If you do proceed with this misuse, understand that people will probably start avoiding making eye contact with you, and you may even see a drastic decrease in the number of holiday party invites you receive. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Merry Christmas, loyal readers!
PS. “Wrap” and “Rape” = not homonyms of one another, so this should be a non-issue. Alas, here we are…
Some others to watch out for:
“Marry Christmas!” -I don’t think holidays are included in the Sanctity of Marriage Act.
“Peas on Earth” – Yeah, I like peas too, but lets not get carried away, okay?
“Feed the Hungary this year” – I don’t know if I can feed a whole country.
“I’d like some new colon this year” – Not even going there.
“I can’t wait for Christmas mourning!” – Whoa, who are you planning to knock off?
This one can be especially problematic when used incorrectly. For instance:
“I wanna kick her but” *
To which I answer, “But what? You want to kick her, but something is holding you back? Feel free to talk about it, girlfriend. Get it off your chest.”
I shouldn’t have to explain this, BUT there’s apparently a gal out there making a BUTT of herself using improper grammar.
* People who misuse this one don’t believe in punctuation either.
I probably should have been sent to the PRINCIPAL’s office for smacking that kid when he said grammar was stupid, but my teacher said her PRINCIPLES urged her to let it slide just that one time.
I had another post all lined up for today, but the following picture came to my attention yesterday and I felt I must take responsibility as a proud American and do something.
So I came here to make fun of a protest sign. Because it’s my civic duty, you know.
The misuse, the random hyphen, the lone lowercase "i". The Tea-party protest sign trifecta.
Dear Tea-party member, “Our” and “are” aren’t even pronounced the same, they don’t have meanings that are in the same ballpark as one another, they only have one letter in common. How does this happen?
“OUR language is English. If you ARE going to make a sign OR statement online, please take an HOUR or two to study up on some basic grammar.”
I now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.
PS. I threw “or” and “hour” in there, because quite frankly, if they’re screwing up “our” and “are”… well, it won’t be long until those get thrown in the mix.
I’ve been seeing this one misused a lot lately – namely women talking about shoes. I see it this way: if you can’t spell it, you don’t deserve to wear it.
“I’m hoping my HEEL will HEAL after walking up that HILL in these five-inch HEELS.”
I’m curious how you PASSED grammar classes in the PAST.
My stomach is TIED in knots. I hope and pray the Hogs can roll right over the TIDE today! Go Hogs!
Woo Pig Sooie!
Since you’re here, I can only assume, you’ve already been over to Amazon to pick up a copy of my latest book. Yes? Okay. Proceed.
Can we please slam on the BRAKEs and take a BREAK from killing the English language?
