The other night something brought up the topic of pipes – I think it was some commercial for the local pipe shop. You know the one that features some guy doing his best Cheech and Chong impersonation? Peeshwank just rolled his eyes and said “Dude, we know you’re a pothead.” I told him not to judge, because the shop possibly sold regular tobacco pipes too.
Peeshwank: You mean like the pipes old men smoke?
Me: Yeah. Those are pretty popular with a certain crowd.
Peeshwank: They’re so cool looking. I can’t wait to be an old man. I’m going to have an old-man-pipe and sit in my rocking chair on the porch in my red robe and my fuzzy slippers. It’s going to be awesome.
I thought about The Peeshwank’s closet and the things he covets most in the world.
His assortment of bow ties and suspenders. His collection of canes. (Seriously, everywhere we go, “I wonder if they have a souvenir cane here?”) His love of seersucker suits. His disdain for all those “newfangled” cartoons that make no sense. That damned robe he wears All.The.Time.
There’s always “a nip in the air” and the desire to have a cat in his lap while he lounges. He rolls his eyes when children get to screaming and yelling and acting like a bunch of… well… children. He can yell, “Get off my lawn!” with the best of them. He’s crotchety and persnickety in the morning, up until he has that first muffin. He bakes bread and relishes in a nice bowl of soup by the fireplace.
When someone passes us at a high speed in a parking lot, he shakes his fist and yells, “Slow down! It’s a parking lot not a racetrack, you heathen!”
He’s been known to say, “I just don’t understand kids these days” on many occasions. I’ve heard him tell friends, “It’ll make sense when you’re older.”
He’s an 87-year-old man in a 12-year-old’s body.
Recently, he had a pain in his leg after a cross country meet. One doctor told us he just pulled/tore some muscles and to walk on crutches for awhile. When the pain still hadn’t gone completely away after two months of crutches, another doctor sent us to an orthopedic specialist. More x-rays were done and it was discovered that The Peeshwank had a small fracture in his hip that was almost completely healed.
A broken hip.
Congratulations, Peeshwank. You’ve officially earned your Old Man card.
What kinda hooligans would graffiti this wall? Hmmph. Kids. *grumble grumble*