Category Archives: Geekiness

In Which I Discover What Kind of Videos My Teen Boy is Watching…

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Every night at bedtime lately The Peeshwank lovingly hugs me and sneaks the tablet out of my hands and trots off to bed.  When I ask him what he does, he just says, “Oh, watch videos or read on the kindle app.”  He’s always been a trustworthy kid and whenever I check on him, there aren’t any crazy online shenanigans going on. The other day I finally discovered what’s been keeping him so engrossed though.

It wasn’t what I expected…

P: I saw this awesome thing the other night.  It’s… (he begins describing some scientific concept my brain just couldn’t wrap itself around)

Me: Is that for real?

P: Yeah, I watched a video on it.  It’s so awesome.

Me: Where did you see this? (Thinking it would be some sci-fi youtuber or something.)

P: Oh, it was on yesterday’s TED video, but it was so cool.  They…

Me: Wait, you watch TED videos?

P: Yeah, every day.  They’re awesome.

Me: Carry on.

Whew.

tedtalks

The Peeshwank and The Lyrids: A Conversation

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English: A meteor during the peak of the 2009 ...

Living in a science-loving home we are all about meteor showers, comets, eclipses and all sorts of other night sky phenomena.  The Peeshwank will drag the telescope out to the front yard to try to view all sorts of things.  (Usually this takes place on the coldest nights of the year.  Of course.)

This week, the Lyrid meteor shower promised to entertain us for a night.  So we bundled up and took our place in the driveway and waited.  And waited.  And waited some more.

P: You know, on nights like these we should really live out in the the country.

Me: Yeah, the lights in town make it hard to see anything.

P:  And if we’re out in the country watching for meteor showers that aren’t gonna show up, at least we wouldn’t have neighbors around wondering, “What are those idiots doing laying in the driveway again?”

Touche`, Peeshwank.

I won at Car Line this morning

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What?  You didn’t know Car Line was a game?  Well, it is.  Mainly because I’m a nerd-girl living with two hard-core gamers.  And I won this morning.

We started our quest to deliver a sleepy-eyed Peeshwank to his blustery prison sentence (it’s in the 20s today with a 10-degree wind chill, because: Spring in Arkansas, yo).  We turned the corner to see a line of campers all the way from one end of the school property to the other.  After discussing our strategy, we made our way to the front of the line.  Even though The Peeshwank had lots of loot to carry (60lb backpack, lunchbox, OM supplies, and his bass) we decided to show these n00bs how it was done.

We quickly realized we had apparently leveled up over Spring Break and were approaching an epic boss battle.  This boss: icy school driveway.

The boss had victimized not one but two vehicles ahead of ours – both of the players had apparently spent all their XP to upgrade their chariots: 4WD monster SUVs, tires bigger than The Peeshwank, NRA life memberships, etc.  Their giant wheels were spinning in place though.  The boss had disabled their special abilities.

The Peeshwank looked at me, a fearful look in his eyes, as I yelled “LEEROY JENKINSSSSSS” and easily delivered him over the ice and to the front door.

He threw me a fist bump as he exited our little mid-size sedan and I could hear his cry of “GET PWNED N00BS!” as I pulled away.

That’s how you win Car Line, y’all.

Hummer on Ice

The Peeshwank Blogs About His Role in “Gordon Family Tree”

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Sorry, I’ve become a less-than-daily blogger.  The Peeshwank’s been keeping me on my toes (and away from my computer) lately.  Here’s an entry he wrote for the Gordon Family Tree Movie blog.

Guest Blogger: Actor Brandon Dulaney – My First Feature!

And here’s a trailer for “Lasting the After,” a post-apocalyptic film he acted in recently.  (He’s the kid getting manhandled by the SWAT guys.  As a somewhat protective mom, it was not easy to watch during filming, but he was having a blast and would start giggling as soon as they called “cut,” so that helped ease my mind.)

http://vimeo.com/50262282

Watching P work has made me proud of the young man he’s become.  He listens to his director and fellow actors and does what they need him to do.  If only I could get a movie director to come in and tell him to clean his room, pick up his laundry, and get off Minecraft for a little while each night…

My sweet boy

NBC’s Revolution: A Conversation with the Better Half

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The Peeshwank and I settled in for a night of mindless entertainment, otherwise known as watching television.  We had seen promos for NBC’s “Revolution” and thought it would be right up our alley as it may have some valuable insight that maybe we hadn’t gleaned in our never-ending zombie apocalypse preparations.

Several minutes into the show, Joe entered the room and the following exchange happened:

Joe: Is this the show with no power?

Me: Yeah.

Joe: So it all just went out?

Me: Yeah.  No electricity.  No batteries.

Joe: They could use steam engines.

Me: Not that I’ve seen.

Joe: So, their premise is that electricity and chemical reactions ceased to function.

Me: Yep.

Joe: Yet they’re all alive.  Clearly the electricity and chemical reactions that run the human body still work.  Oh, and look, fire!

Me: Yep.  They’re thinking, “oh we’re just showing this to Americans, they won’t question our science.”

Joe: Well, at least they don’t have to worry about getting shot.

Me: Oh no, their guns work just fine.

Joe: Wait, if the guns work, then…

Me: Internal combustion engines work too.  Yeah.  They didn’t think of that either.  I guess they’re REALLY hoping America will willingly suspend their disbelief enough to buy it all.

We watch in silent disbelief for a few more minutes.

Joe: (gets up to leave) I can’t with this anymore…

He comes back in when it’s over and asks how the rest of the hour went.

Me: Well, this chick went into a closet with a bunch of old machinery and turned on a necklace gave her electricity and internet access.  I guess it’s a wi-fi hotspot necklace or something.  I should probably get one of those for when P-dog and I are out and about.

He shook his head in disbelief.

Me: No worries.  “Castle” is back on next Monday and I’ll be back to my regularly scheduled swooning over Captain Mal.

One necklace to power them all…

The Peeshwank’s Thoughts on Episode 1

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A long time ago in a galaxy pretty close by…

A small child, The Peeshwank, fell in love with the Star Wars universe.  He started out with Episode IV (because I’m good at parenting like that) and made his way through the original trilogy.  When he was 4, Episode III came out and I agreed to allow him to come to the midnight premiere with me.  (He always did really well at the theater, so I knew he’d either fall asleep, or sit quietly in awe of the movie.  He’s been a film junkie from a very young age.)

When I was ready to head out to the theater, I called for him to hurry up so we wouldn’t be late.  He came out of his room in his Darth Vader costume.  Of course.  At the showing there were lots of Star Wars geeks in costume, but the best were the Stormtroopers who actually stopped what they were doing and stood at full attention as Darth P-Dog sauntered by them.  He’s 12 now and still remembers this fondly.

Not long ago one of the geeky channels that our tv is typically tuned to was airing a Star Wars marathon.  He hadn’t watched the new trilogy in awhile, so he sat down with his giant box of goldfish, prepared to be entertained for the day.

All was well until this happened…

That’s when the proverbial shit hit the fan.

“This kid is like the worst actor ever.”

“You know, George Lucas keeps remaking these, maybe he just needs to start over.  I could be a better Anakin than this guy.”

“I can’t watch this anymore.  Let me know when the other ones come on.  P-dog, out.”

There were lots of other… er… comments that were yelled at the screen in answer to pretty much anything poor little Ani said.  Maybe I’ll have to video him watching it sometime.  If I can convince him to watch it again.  But I almost doubt it after this conversation:

Me: “You know, you loved Episode I as a kid.”

P: “Well, I was a kid.  I had crappy taste.  Meesa thinks this is terrible now.”

Me: “You’re talking like Jar-Jar.”

P: “Oh, don’t even get me started on that idiot.”

I guess that settles that.

I do have to agree with him that he’d made a pretty excellent Anakin should George decide to remake it…

Sleepy little Anakin…

“Friday” as Performed by 19th Century Englishmen

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“Friday” is one of my favorite movies to quote.  It’s right up there with “Fight Club,” “American Psycho” and “Christmas Vacation.”  I couldn’t sleep last night, so I laid in bed quoting so many of those great lines from Smokey, Craig and even Felisha’s beggin’ ass in my head… in the Queen’s English… as imagined by a sleepy Southern girl who’s not necessarily well-versed in the Queen’s English…

If you haven’t seen the movie, this won’t make sense.  It may not make sense if you have seen the movie.  Alas…

Smokey: “Breach thine self, knave!”

Craig: “I do not partake of the cannabis.  A fact of which, thou are most certainly cognizant.”

Smokey: “Inhale, inhale, relinquish.”

Smokey: “I exert telepathic control over Lord Deebo.  When he insists upon my complete silence, I oblige him.  However, when he takes his leave, I begin conversing with my companions again.”

Smokey: “Why art thou thieving storage chests?  Art thou endeavoring to build an outdoor recreational habitat?”

Smokey: “Egad!  Thine cupboards never hold items that complement one another.  Tea, alas no scones.  Biscuits, yet no caviar.  Egad!”

Joi: “It is not required of thou to fabricate falsities, Sir Craig.”

Felisha: “Prithee might I borrow thine carriage, Sir Smoke?”

Joann: “Pray-tell, why art thou striking the entry as if thou were the constable?”

And of course, that classic line:

Mr. Jones: “I seize a cur and I asphyxiate the beast.  The length of the day my brogan is lodged in a mongrel’s posterior.”

These are the things that keep me up at night.

72-Hour Movie-Making

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This month is our city’s Artsfest.  Every year they host a 72-hour film challenge (The 4320 Film Challenge) and every year The Peeshwank and I take our talents and join a team of fellow guerrilla filmmakers to come up with something we pray entertains the masses.  (“Masses” meaning the couple hundred or so people who come out to the screening.)

This year, we partnered with three of my favorite lady friends and our offspring to make a movie.

I was elected Team Captain.  (“Elected” meaning I engaged in a coup d’ etat and completely took over.)  I went to the captain meeting Friday evening at 4:00 where I was told the specifics of the movie to be made this year.  We had to film at least one scene on our downtown square and the movie had to center around the theme word “challenge.”  I took a look at our cast – a teenage girl, 4 tweens, and a 4-year-old.  Yep.  That takes care of the “challenge” portion of the program.  Our camera guy fell through, so we ended up shooting it on my point and shoot camera.  (Yeah, we’re totally legit like that, as The Peeshwank would say).  That would be challenge #2.  Oh, and sound on our square?  Every movie we’ve made down there had the overwhelming sound of the fountain drowning out every bit of dialogue spoken.

Challenge accepted.

I wrote and storyboarded a movie that involved kids acting like turds all over downtown (this is known in the industry as “typecasting”) and getting kicked out of various establishments (up to and including our amazing new art museum, Crystal Bridges).  We filmed it as a video blog by the teen girl, so the video quality could be forgivable.  The most genius part, though?  We decided to do a silent film.  Oh, that pesky, loud fountain?  Not an issue any longer.

We spent all day Saturday filming and in another stroke of genius I had the final scene take place at our downtown splash park.  All day, when we wanted the kids to behave, we just reminded them, “Splash park later.”  (Fact: Bribery is the best way to get children to do what you want.)

We spent the next two nights in our friends’ studio, recording our lead’s voiceovers and editing the film.  We drank a lot and laughed so hard we probably should’ve deployed Depends, but at the end of the 72 hours, we had a movie and we kinda like it. It’s not professional by any stretch (other than Darryl’s awesome editing skills, yo) but we had a ton of fun doing it.

Without further ado, I give you…

“Happy Birthday or Bust!”

Cthulhu Goes to New Orleans

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Cthulhu decided to take a break in her usual daily soul-eating activities and hit the Big Easy for a bit of strolling, shopping, and terrorizing the locals.  She asked me if she could use my site to photo blog about her journey and since one does not say “no” to such a malevolent entity, here it is…

Starting off the trip by fighting The Peeshwank for pillow real estate.  Winner: Peeshwank.

Checking out the Atchafalaya basin.  Hmm… murky waters.  Starting to feel at home down here.

Crossing the Mississippi.

The 12-year-old minions I employed to do my bidding on the trip enjoying the fountain at the Audubon Zoo.

The next day, the boy minion made me late for early-morning site-seeing.

So I made him carry me.

The minions and myself on the roof at the hotel before taking a swim.  Bourbon Street sits unsuspectingly beneath us…

The minions and I rained down hellfire and brimstone upon that street of depravity.  Actually just rain.  Lots and lots of rain.

I discovered I really have a fondness for jazz music.

And beignets.  I couldn’t wait to wrap my tentacles around these bad boys.  The minions’ grandmother had to hold me back.

The girl minion and I took a break to text our friends back home while waiting on the penguin show at the Aquarium of the Americas.

The Saints asked me to take Coach Payton’s place for the year, but I told them I have no interest in silly mortal games.

Fuzzy navels by the pool in Baton Rouge.

Now, that I’m back home, I have decided to embrace this Southern culture and will henceforth be known as Cthu-Lulu.

Trip wrap-up:

Miles traveled – 1719.1

Rivers crossed -  (Arkansas, Red, Sulphur, Atchafalaya, Mississippi, Ouachita, Cossatot, Cane, and Little River)

Family members visited – 12

Beignets eaten – 9

Gators consumed – 1

Shrimp/crawfish/souls devoured – countless

I’m Back!

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Heavens to Betsy, that was a long hiatus.  I apologize for my complete disregard of this place while I was busy doing… er… stuff like napping, writing, saving the world, and trying to refrain from selling The Peeshwank in order to purchase a new pair of Louboutins.  But mostly napping.

Here’s what you missed out on since February…

The Oscars:

Joe: So how were the Oscars?

Me:  They were okay, but the best moment?  When Gary Oldman transformed into his animagus, ran onstage and bit Jean Dujardin’s ankle, scooped up the Oscar and flew off on his hippogriff while flipping the bird with his little black paw.

Joe: ???

Me: What?  Did that part not make it on tv?  Censorship sucks.  Damn the man!  Save the Empire!

March Madness:

Announcer: They ruled that an intentional foul.

Charles Barkley: I didn’t see any intentionality behind that foul.

Me: I think the word you’re looking for is “intent”, Chuck!*

Joe: Are you yelling at the tv again?

(*Yes, I know that ‘intentionality’ is a word.  Intent just works better – and actually means what Sir Charles intended for it to mean.  I hate it when people try to megaovercomplicatealize words. It makes them sound extrapompousilicious.  See?)

IMDB:

Me: Peeshwank, you’re on IMDB!  Your first IMDB listing… I’m so proud.

Peeshwank: Cool!  …Um… what’s that?

Firefly mini-reunion (via Castle):

Me: WHAT?  What do you mean tonight’s a re-run?!  Tonight was supposed to be the episode where Jayne shows up and he and Captain Mal are all reunited and it feels so good, then they go fight crime and Beckett gets all pissy and stuff!

Joe: Are you yelling at the tv again?

Every day doesn’t have to be a holiday

Peeshwank: So, if Monday was Peanut Butter and Jelly Day and tomorrow is Rex Manning Day, what is today?

Me: (singing) It’s Friday!  (<— Whatever you do, DON’T click that.)

Early morning despair:

Me: (reading aloud) Hints of floral notes with a touch of caramel.  Delightful berry undertones accentuate the… WHEN DID COFFEE GET SO DAMNED PRETENTIOUS?

Joe: Are you yelling at the coffee maker again?

Making a book trailer:

Me: You know, Jenny Lawson did her book trailer with Wil Wheaton.

Joe: So, are you gonna ask him to do one with you as well?

Me: Nah.  I’ve already tweeted Nathan Fillion about it.

Joe: But I don’t trust you with him.

Me: So, you’re saying you’d trust me with Wesley Crusher?

Joe: Well, yeah, he’s Wesley Crusher.  What’s not to trust?

Me: Apparently you haven’t seen this.

Peeshwank in the background: WHEEEEEATONNNNNNNN!  (This is only funny if you watch Big Bang Theory.)

 (I’m still awaiting a reply, both from Joe and Cap’n.)

In addition to getting bent out of shape about completely meaningless things and juggling between my two boyfriends (Joe and Captain Mal), I also finished up a very rough first draft of “The Last Girl”.  I’m working on the final draft of my next book, due out in June, God willing.  I also had an essay selected to be included in a compilation that’s coming out January 2013  (“The Books They Gave Me” – Free Press, an imprint of Simon and Schuster).  So that’s all kinda cool and exciting.

I also read/re-read a lot of books the past couple of months.  All of which were very good, each for very different reasons.  If you’re interested, here’s a list (wanna discuss any of them? Leave a comment, email, or facebook me):  Oryx and Crake; The Year of The Flood; Water For Elephants; The Hunger Games series; The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo series; Cool, Calm and Contentious; Bird by Bird; On Writing; Abe Lincoln: Vampire Hunter; Good Poems for Hard Times; 1Q84; 11/22/63; Perfume: The Story of a Murderer; The Reader; The Road; That Old Ace in the Hole;  Life of Pi; Girl With a Pearl Earring; Point Omega.

I promise I’ll try to do better by y’all and start updating more frequently again.

Besides, I’ve been seeing an abnormally large number of people misusing grammar everywhere, so I suspect my “Fun With Homonyms” posts have been sincerely missed.

I’ll leave you with this… (because isn’t every day better with sci-fi mash-ups?)