Ever had one of those weeks, you know, the ones that make you break that promise to yourself not to scream the F-word while behind the wheel with the kid in the car?

No?

Well, I have.  In fact, I had one just a couple of weeks ago.  I wrote this entry on Wednesday of that week…

“You know what?  Screw this week.  Oh, I just can’t WAIT to see what Thursday, Friday, and Saturday have in store.  [insert gigantic eyeroll here]

As many of you know The Peeshwank is currently starring in a stage production of “A Christmas Story“.  I tell ya, this cast and crew is absolutely amazing.  The show has so many more funny little moments than the movie, which I did not think would be possible.  Our first dress rehearsal was Sunday.  There were some trapdoor issues, costume change issues, prop issues, typical theater-ish issues.  Nothing too notable, it seemed everything would go off without a hitch.

Which brings us to… the hitch.  Or the first of several hitches.

The next night however it seemed everything went awry.  We ended up at the theater until after 10:00.  Costumes had been a mess, the lead actress had lost her voice to strep throat, and a variety of other “opportunities”.  I may be the cool, happenin’ mom when it comes to just about every aspect of his life, but let me tell you, the only time The Peeshwank gets to stay up past nine o’clock is when he’s at someone else’s house.  Yes, even during Summer break.  And thus the reason he begs to sleepover at friends’ houses as often as possible.  (Sorry, neighbors who harbor my kid about once a week.)

Ten o’clock on a school night is just crazy.  Add a shower, pajamas, another bite to eat after a particularly rushed dinner earlier in the evening and he was crawling into bed around eleven.  That’s pretty hardcore.

The next morning he was up and at ‘em by six and on the bus by 6:30.  I waved him off to school and came back home to promptly engage in gastronomical gymnastics the likes of which my stomach hasn’t known in many years.  I was five pound lighter by the time it ended.  I spent the rest of the day on the couch, praying that I would make a miraculous recovery.  I still had to get the house cleaned and decorated for Christmas as our family Christmas is this Saturday.   (Something I should really be working on now instead of writing this.)

So the little man comes in from school and just the look on his face told me we were in for a long night.  Bags under his eyes, his normal beaming smile replace with a grimace, even his clothes were askew.  During dinner he fell asleep at the table.  We sent him to the red couch in front of the fireplace.  He was asleep in seconds.  We had to leave for rehearsal in 20 minutes though.  I woke him as late as possible and promised him we’d stop at the convenience store on the way and get him a Dr. Pepper and some wax candy (he’s old-school like that).  He was starting to liven up.  I drove on smiling at how proud I was of his tenacity.  Then the car started rumbling.  Then the smoke started coming out of the engine.  Because, why wouldn’t it?

We pulled into the first parking lot we could find and called our Knight in Shining Armor.  He saved us and drove us on to the theater where Peeshwank managed to get in costume in three minutes and was onstage for rehearsal right on time.

Fast forward to the rest of the week’s “hitches”…

Joe: “Honey, when you go to take your shower, the faucet handle is… well… loose.  Just turn it until it catches and it’ll still work.”

Joe: “Your phone was ringing off the hook while you were in the shower.”
Me:  “Oh, no, it’s the school.”  [listens to voicemail] “Preston’s lunchbox broke and fell off his bag on the bus.  He needs me to bring him a new lunch.  How does a kid literally lose their lunch?”
Joe: “Have you forgotten who you’re dealing with?”

Lowe’s/Home Depot/Google:  “That faucet handle you guys are trying so hard to replace… yeah, it’s discontinued.”

Joe: “Where’s the superglue?”
Me: “It was right here.  We used it recently.”
Joe: “For what?”
Me: “Um, yeah… nevermind.  Preston used the last of it to build his Dalek army out of legos.”

Car shop: “Sounds like a radiator problem.”

Costume mistress: “The tail on the bunny costume fell off.  Is your seamstress here?”
Director: “Yeah, but Jenn’s kinda had a bad day… just safety pin it for now.”

As Joe and I were coming home from dropping Preston’s lunch off, Lowe’s, and before going to meet the tow truck at my car, we saw a truck emblazoned with a logo for heat and air repair.  The “heat” looked like it was melting, the “air” looked like ice.

Joe and I both: “Did that say ‘Meat and Ice’?”
Joe: “Is this some new brilliant incarnation of the classic ice cream truck?  If so, I’m in!”

Hysterical laughter ensued.  I’m glad we can still find things to laugh about as the things around us fall apart.  I hope all of you have someone that you can laugh hysterically with through the ups and downs.

A Christmas Story

Merry Christmas, everyone!

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